July 26

We had a family meeting today.  I'm like a Pavlovian dog when it comes to these meetings - I walk into the room and immediately feel like I'm going to cry.  We've had some pretty intense meetings over the last 89 days. Yep. 89 days.  Today's meeting was very different.  We actually heard the words 'h.o.m.e' and 'discharge plan'.  I can't 'say' those words too loudly, because I don't want to jinx them - but am embracing the light at the end of this very long tunnel.  They would like Ryan to be home by his due date (not likely, they know that), if that doesn't happen, they'd like him home as soon as possible after the due date.  Barring any unforseen setbacks (mostly infection or his eyes taking a turn for the worse), she said she would guess that it won't be more than 2 months. 1 month is best case scenario, but as we've learned the hard way, best case doesn't usually happen in the nicu.  We've heard from countless parents who are close to their discharge date and something happens. 
Now, for the next 2 weeks is to get the boy eating. Starting now, he's having 2 full feeds/day and on Saturday night, our nurse Karen is going to give him a bottle at one point during the night (bottle of breastmilk).  I have no problem with them introducing a bottle a) because I can't be at the hospital 24/7 to feed him... I would, if he was our only kid. b) (men ignore this point) I'm using a nipple shield, so the transition from boob to bottle will be easier (they recommend this shield to these little guys to make it easier and less tiring).  c) Scott can do nighttime feedings once and a while, hooray!

Ryan will most likely come home needing oxygen.  This is somewhat scary, but very common and the hospital does a lot to help facilitate the setup at home.  Otherwise, when he comes home, he'll be a 'regular' baby - no tubes, no monitors, no nurse (yikes!).  So it's my job now to get to know his 'normal' and start doing more of his care at the hospital.  He'll be 38 weeks next week, so that means he'll be 'term' so we're getting down to crunch time. 

It feels scary and surreal that things have taken this turn and I can only hope they stay on this path.  He's been extubated for a little over a month.  I'm excited for the day that he'll be extubated for longer than he was intubated (he was on a vent for 7 weeks, so about 3 more to go). 

We'll still need a lot of positive vibes sent our way - he'll need all the help he can get to get to where he can  make the trip from Toronto to Newmarket.  Thanks again to everyone who've helped us get to this point.

I'm listening to Sadie try to fall asleep with a stuffy nose - this is frightening because I CANNOT get sick but she needs her mommy... perhaps this may be a setback waiting to happen.  If mommy gets sick, mommy can't go feed Ryan... if Ryan doesn't eat, it will take him longer to come come.... argh.